Concerning my autobiography

Concerning my autobiography, I removed it, edited it, but was unable to get it published (when I click "Publish", it doesn't. To read it, please go to Facebook and to a group called Memoirs of Unificationists. BUT JUST NOW, it is back and is on the drop-down list on the right side of the screen (far down). Apologies for the temporary inconvenience.

progressive education

In Jonathan Mahler’s excellent article on divisions within Friends Seminary, “Watch What You Say. A Teacher Made a Hitler Joke In Classroom. It Tore The School Apart”, (9/9/2018) four other prestigious private schools in Manhattan are mentioned as competitive alternatives. The uniqueness of Friends Seminary is attributed to its commitment to Quaker values. The school, however, differs from the others in a more important way: it’s practice of progressive education. A fundamental tenet of progressive education, that children learn most from activities (especially from self-chosen ones) and through play, including role play, are increasingly put into practice in public schools, Catholic schools, and Day schools, although not in charter schools, and  these are enveloped in the following principles: the belief that every child is altruistic, deep respect for the dignity of each child, and the determination to give each child as much responsibility as he or she is thought to be capable of carrying. There is also a commitment to help each child on the path to become a thoughtful, considerate citizen.

Trump's proletariat

Comment on Roger Cohen's article "America Never Was, Yet Will Be" on 7/6/2018

John Sonneborn		Fri, Jul 6, 2018, 11:16 AM
Mr. Cohen's article Is wonderful and inspiring. The root of his hopefulness is "America''s refusal to fetishize the past. I add that the scriptures that form th

John Sonneborn <joonsuu14@gmail.com>	Fri, Jul 20, 2018, 3:22 AM
to letters

Ms. Smarsh presents valuable information concerning the attitudes and working habits of people working  in a great variety of jobs. Absent, glaringly, are the unemployed. Politically important among these are the laid-off seasoned skilled blue-collar workers in factories and in construction. Factory workers (“the proletariat”, in the sense used by Lenin and following Communists) are usually laid off owing to a drop in the  demand for factories’ products, with automation playing a minor role. Automation plays only a negligible role in the laying off of construction workers, which occurs primarily in infrastructure projects. All these unemployed men were Trump’s base. Economically, the great majority of these are probably middle-class. Their fundamental grievance is not the loss of wages, but of the very meaning of their lives – the opportunity to contribute to society as a whole. (Marx, who cared ultimately for individuals, called this  ”the species-essence”. As a Christian, I believe that each person’s essence is the impulse to give love.)

The Trump administration has been and can be expected to continue to be seeking to assuage the pain of factory workers by having the demand for factory-made products increase. The blue-collar skills needed in construction are more readily learned than are those in factory work. Hence,Trump’s heavy emphasis on stopping the flow into America of poorly educated immigrants and his use of racist tweets to support that ban.

While the demand for factory products may be increased by the manipulation of trade, the beginning of a new construction project takes a long time: it may be harmful to those in its neighborhood; it may be harmful to the environment. Resistance and a tangle of regulations must be overcome.

I read an article rather recently suggesting that Pres. Trump, aware of the length of time required to ease the suffering of these skilled workers, is seeking to distract them from it by appealing to their tribalistic desire for our country to be viewed as the most powerful. His “Make America Great Again” and “America First” are politically aimed primarily at those whose anguish cannot be readily extinguished.

John Andrew Sonneborn, D.Min

211J W 151st Street, 3B, New York, NY 10039

212-532-1365

TRUE PARENTING WORKSHOP

TRUE PARENTING WORKSHOP (with references to Unificationism)

True Parents Seminar (as in “True Values Seminar”) [actually, a parenting workshop surrounded by other elements of True Parents’ teaching/example]

Text of slide-show narration [plus occasional added detail] for Parts one and two 

“Outline

Here is an overview of this seminar. As composed, this presentation can be made to persons of any culture. Accordingly, there are four parts, two of which are optional. Part one is the nature of true parents’ love. Part two describes becoming true parents: this is the nuts and bolts of the seminar. Part three, true parents in history is optional as its content would depend upon the local culture. I have prepared this part as true parents in the Bible. Part four, true parents today is also optional.

 

I. INTRODUCTION
The Nature of True Parents’ Love [the following nine characteristics are stated in EXPO and/or taught repeatedly by the True Parents as the characteristics of God’s love. They are the characteristics of the True Parents’ love. We are created in the image of God, and so our parental love should also have these characteristics.]

A.   True parents’ love is eternal
    I.  Even after a grown child has left home
    2.  Even after a child has died [implies existence of spirit world
    3.  Even after the true parents have died implies activity of spirit persons upon the earthly]
B.   True parents’ love is all-embracing
    1.  Seeks to benefit t cultural and he child bodily and spiritually
    2.  Seeks to increase the child’s happiness in the present and for the future
    3.  Seeks to impact the child’s environment:  family, community, society, beyond; each social entity protecting a smaller one and being a facilitative foundation for a greater one [theory of dual purpose           
C.   True parents’ love is all-transcending
    1.   True parents love whomever they consider to be their child, whether naturally begotten, illegitimate, step child, a relative’s, or someone else’s--even an enemy’s--, whether the child is healthy or handicapped, and whether the child is now living or has previously lived [The True Parents model this]
D. True parents’ love is non-coercive

    1.   True parents respect the dignity of a child. [this is the essence of the reason that God did not intervene in the Fall]

E.    True parents’ love is unchanging
     1.   Continuous in time
     2.   While ever ready to adjust to the child’s condition and circumstances, consistent in promoting the child’s well-being and happiness [these illustrate the theory of static and dynamic quadruple bases]

F.    True parents’ love is unselfish repeatedly stated by the True Parents]
     1.   Love not for the sake of the reward that comes when love is received
     2.   Love not regarding the level of expected reward
G.    True parents’ love is self-sacrificial
     1.   Ready to suffer for the benefit of the child
H.    True parents’ love is unconditional
     1.  Even if the child rebuffs offered help   
     2.   Even if the child’s actions contrast with offered help
     3.   Even if the child’s integrity becomes compromised
     4.   Even if the child professes enmity
I.   True parents’ love is absolute [attributed to God’s love, which is the model love]                   
     1.   There is no force that can erase it

                        

!!. BECOMING TRUE PARENTS

  In this seminar, parent refers not only to the technical term in which a person together with another-sex person begets a child, but also to the functional term of one nurturing or taking responsibility for or otherwise aiding another. [ ]To nurture or otherwise aid a person one should have a relationship of heart with the person and understand the person. . [ ]
 In this seminar, in sequence we will consider parenting a very young child, an elementary-school age child, an adolescent child, and an adult child, describing attributes and activities of a child in the particular age group and a true parent’s thoughts of and activities with the child.   

     
            
                   A.   Preparing to become a true parent
                       1.    Locate a partner for the procreative act committed to remaining the love partner forever. [Marriage vow for receiving the Blessing through the True Parents]

                       2.   If possible, establish a lasting harmonious partner love-relationship before begetting a child
                       3.   Study the following guidance                            

                  B.   True parents of very young child 
                      1.  True parents of naturally altruistic child

                           a.   Each child is born with the fundamental and enduring impulse to give love, helping another This impulse is the definition of Heart: since Heart is the core of God, and since humans are the image of God, it must be the core of each human]     

                           b.   A true parent’s discernment of a child’s loving initiative toward him/her and warm, grateful response of praise and encouragement is very important in the formation of a secure attachment and in assisting he child’s readiness to act lovingly toward another

i.  Even without the intellectual development required for empathy, an infant will sometimes touch the mother's breast seeming not to expect any reward, but simply to give the mother pleasure. It is important for the mother to discern this motivation and to respond warmly, completing a circle of love and so rewarding the baby. Of course, here the response may be wholly non-verbal.
                                     ii.  After infancy, children engage in many activities designed to give a parent joy. These include making marks on paper and showing it to the parent, making comical actions, talking about events, feelings, and thoughts including suggestions. The joyful parent’s love rewards the child 

                            c.   When even a pre-toddler child demonstrates empathy for a distressed child and acts altruistically toward another child, which brings its own reward in the increase of these [the theory of spiritual growth],  true parents will reward the child with parental love, namely, praise and encouragement, and seek to arrange more opportunities for altruism

                                             i. Experiments by Yale's Paul Bloom show that within the first two years of life, babies feel empathy and want to help another.
                          d.    When observing a two-year-old in a group of two-year-olds experimenting with actualizing his/her altruistic desire, true parents will--rather than strongly intervening--sometimes offer a suggestion for what to say or to do
                     2.   True parents of grabber child
                         a.    If a child, acting contrary to the altruistic desire, grabs an object from another, unable to endure the frustration of not having and enjoying it, or, from a certain age, fearing that an object of that value will not otherwise be soon given or else to hoard against future insufficiency (in either case overriding the desire to care and any consideration of fairness), true parents—will--rather than just getting the child to return the object--reassure the child of sufficiency, and, subsequently setting about stimulating assurance of sufficiency for all appropriate desirable objects, set about helping the child to become able to overcome any temptation to grab, as follows.

                         b.    Before the child is allowed to interact freely with another child, true parents will ensure that the child has sufficient self-confidence not to hesitate in giving and is sufficiently emotionally stable to choose love over fear.
                               i.    The foundation for these qualities is for the child to have a secure, enduring attachment or bond to an adult with whom the child is in frequent contact.

                         c.     True parents will continue to help the child with frustration management, as discussed in 4.b., below

                     3.   True parents of loving social child
                              [In summary, whether from the start or as remediation, true parents will help the child to form an enduring attachment, if not to a parent, to someone often seen, and on that foundation develop self-confidence and emotional stability.]
                         a.    For the altruistic social child best to practice appropriate relationships with material objects, true parents will enroll the child in a group of altruistic children in which teams build with blocks, care for plants, and follow recipes. School staff could even help the development of self-confidence, if necessary.  In any case, whether or not the child is in school, the true mother can initiate and oversee the process from individual stability to pair relations to activity upon the environment. [The developmental sequence of individual, pair relations, and joint action, as manifested in the three blessings is applied in EXPO even to the analysis of history]

                     4.  True parents of unique child
                         a.   True parents are sensitive to the                               i.      While such sensibility may be a special gift for some, it can, anyway, be developed. unique child’s continually changing thoughts and feelings

                              ii.       True parents respond with joy, gratitude, praise, and encouragement to a child’s unique expression of his/her creativity The uniqueness of persons and of expressions of creativity is taught in UT]
                          b.  Ideal parenting would have an infant observed at all times, with the infant’s expression of wants--whether to give or to receive--satisfied within incrementally increasing lengths of time, so that frustration is sufficiently tolerable not to produce anger
                                i.       Sufficient observation and frustration management should continue beyond the child’s infancy
                          c.  True parents, being committed to the unique child’s full development [this commitment is implied in God’s deliberate non-intervention in the Fall, EXPO 6.3], discern at an early age the child’s gifts and talents and seek opportunities for their expression and increase

                     5.  True parents of growing child
                         a.      Each child has an innate intelligence that guides the child’s growth. [In EXPO, this is the force inherent in the Principle or autonomous force functioning in accordance with the Principle-- I (This is true of all living beings. Inanimate things obey the laws of motion, inorganic chemistry, and forces.)
                                i.        A very young child’s exercising toes, for example, is guided by this intelligence; it is intuitive movement and is natural movement
                               ii.       Through this intelligence, the child also develops natural thinking
                         b.     True parents, respecting and trusting the child, may encourage these and provide opportunities for them, but not unnecessarily manipulate or restrain the child’s body or mind. [Is it not implied in EXPO that God wants to give humans as great a share of the responsibility as they are able to exercise?]

                     6.  True parents of instructed child
                          a.      True parents will provide age-appropriate and individually-appropriate developmental activities                                                                                                                                                             
                               i.      Instructions for a very young child should not include moving outside a room
                          b.      While toddlers and kindergartners generally act intuitively or are instructed in detail how to carry out an activity or else learn it by copying someone, a child begins during these years to experiment.  This calls for supervision.

                     7.    True parents and child in a family
                          a.     The fundamental goal of each child is to become an adult. [Stated in EXPO as Adam’s]
                          b.     Toward this end, the child studies older persons, primarily those who are regularly present in the home, but also any whose behavior or appearance strongly attracts attention

                          c.     In most cases, they are the parents who are most often present. While it may be necessary for a child to be raised by one parent in the home, it is best for the child for two committed love partners--a man and a woman--to be continuingly the nurturers
                               i.        A child apprehends when the two act jointly or can otherwise study and attempt to copy which ever one is acting

                              ii.       A boy apprehends the man’s essential masculinity; the girl, the woman’s essential femininity

                             iii.       Most importantly, the child studies the love between the committed man and woman, which is the strongest force in existence.  EXPO states this only as a conjugal love of a perfected couple]

                          c.      A child will also learn from the way true parents respect each other’s dignity
                          d.      A child particularly chooses to copy any older siblings who are in the home
                          e.       The presence of older cousins also provides a good opportunity for study
                          f.        A child also learns well from carefully selected story books and videos
                          g.       A child practices becoming an adult by playing with dolls or household objects, by loving a pet, BY COOKING, and by caring for younger children
                          h.       In Korea, a successful and seemingly natural family structure has been proving effective in promoting the social development of children. A child responds positively to the wishes of any older sibling

                         8.  True parents of a child who has disobeyed
                            a.  It may be natural for a child to test prescribed limitations on the child’s behavior; the child seeks assurance for safe return to the parental embrace. A true parent will never waver in insisting on a rule even if the child cries: the child actually wants firmness
                             b.  Here is a template for the true parents responding to a child’s disobedience at the first instance of it and thereafter
                                  i.     The disobedient action may have had physical consequences noticed by the child, experiences of pain or loss. The true parent responds with evident empathy and an expression of sharing the suffering. On that foundation the true parent can say, “I’m sure that you will not do that again.”
                               ii.       The child should confess the wrong action. “Did you do something wrong?” Then, “why did you do that?” The child may admit that it was done simply from desire, may seek to justify the action, *blame someone else, or refuse to answer. A brief discussion should follow; also, the statement that the parent knows better the standard for conduct, not only because of the parent’s education, but also because of the wider scope of responsibility carried. Then, the true parent expresses his or her feelings (appealing to the child’s love), feelings of disappointment and sadness, and says, “I’m sure that you can follow the rule in the future.”
                             iii.         If there has been a punishment assigned for the disobedient act, which may be stated as consequences of it, it must be carried out. Punishment should be clearly related to the act and should occur soon enough for the child to grasp this.

    “A few other instructions for true parents of a very young child will be given in the context of the next section of the seminar, True Parents of Elementary-school Age Child.”


  C.   True Parents of Elementary-school Age Child
                1. True parents of ethical child
                   a.  Even for a consistently altruistic person, there is always the fundamental ethical choice between an action intended to serve a greater purpose and one to serve a lesser purpose [EXPO, UT]
                               i.   Greater scope: self, family, community, country, world, cosmos
                              ii.   Longer duration: short-lived, longer enduring, eternal:
                             iii.   Greater depth: purpose of the skin……… purpose of the heart
                   b.  The child should know of the fundamental ethical principle: realization of a greater purpose should promote that of the lesser purpose, and choice of a lesser purpose should be with the expectation that its realization will help that of the greater purpose
                              i.    The child’s innate intelligence, impelled by the desire to give love to the greatest effect imaginable , [.], guides the child to know this principle. While the child may come to know it purely through experiences, true parents should make available to the child stories of the more inclusive choices, along with some showing prudence in first stabilizing or building the foundation for the wider choice, and, at the appropriate age, teach the ethical principle as a formula, all the while living according to the principle and so exemplifying it for the child.
                             ii.     Action toward a more inclusive goal entails risk since sufficient expected response may not materialize. Acting more narrowly owing to fear is rational; .[Eve’s emotional instability was a contributing factor in her choosing the self-centered relationship with Lucifer at the expense of the sibling relationship in which she existed, and the fear that she inherited from Lucifer contributed to her pulling Adam to choose the sibling relationship at the expense of their wider relationship with God, promising a greater future.] true parents help wider choosing by promoting the child’s emotional stability and the development of love
                            iii.    There are also irrational causes for narrow or even outright selfish choice of conduct, namely, psychopathologies. [Noah’s children’s shame at seeing their father’s drunken and naked body was considered irrational. EXPO appears to treat shame as psychopathological.]These are most commonly acquired by a child’s sensing the pathology in a parent-- irrational desires perversions of love--  and may be imbibed even at a very young age and made more evident during the elementary-school age. Nearly every human being’s mind contains some pathology: true parents should always be attempting to clear any from their own psyche. A person suffering from a very severe psychic pathology would be fully responsible if attempting to clear it before becoming a parent.
               2.  True parents of friendly child
                   a.   Even toddlers may form intense friendships – ongoing love relationships with a child other than those embraced in the home as kin – expressed, upon meeting (serendipitously from the child’s perspective), by the two facing each other and jumping up and down in joy
                   b.   It is during elementary-school age that a child becomes friends with another or small group and expresses the desire to meet the friend. The friends will likely be schoolmates or children of parents’ friends. True parents may arrange a meeting of friends or respond, when practical and appropriate, to a request for a meeting. It is not uncommon for two children of this age, usually of the same sex, to become “best friends”, freely sharing thoughts and feelings and planning activities together often centered on a hobby or special interest.
                         i. That these friends share thoughts and feelings shows a level of imagination presumably not found in other species and typically unavailable for the very young child. It also shows increased intimacy and degree of autonomy.
                        ii.   Friends mutually plan activities
                       iii.   A child naturally acts sacrificially for the sake of a friend and for the sake of the friendship
                       iv.   The child feels love for the friend even when they are physically separate
                        v.   The child converses with the friend electronically
                       vi.  The friend may be relocated, and the child will feel loss
                      vii.   The friend may die, and the child will feel grief
                     viii.   True parents sometimes unobtrusively observe the friends interacting, and otherwise very gently ask for reports. When reviewing with the child the interactions, true parents express their pleasure at the child’s good actions and happy feelings and their sympathy with the child’s disappointments and hurts
             3.   True parents of learning child.     
                 a.    Learning may be either spontaneous or as the result of accomplishment of tasks. 
                         i.  As children grow, the range of possible tasks increases. They become able to carry out tasks with increasing autonomy and so should be given more responsibility [ ]. Tasks may be either self-chosen or assigned: in self-chosen tasks, a child assumes full responsibility for any accomplishment and the results; for assigned tasks, as a child grows, he/she can assume an increasing share of the responsibility for its accomplishment  
                        ii.  Children are not only increasingly able to wisely choose what to do, but also increasingly able to remember how to do a particular task.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         
                 b.  Learning about society
                         i.  Even during these ages, the child will begin to learn of the structures of his or her community and of at least some of the larger societal entities
                        ii.  The child learns through stories (and possibly through television news if the parents, perhaps unwisely, allow it), characteristics and family structures of children whom he or she has never met

                       iii.  Many available stories show the challenges that children face as they seek to grow towards adulthood in the context of the societal entity in which they exist. Such stories are naturally of great interest to the learning child
                         iv.   Children become fully conscious of their innate goal to marry and raise children [EXPO]. Stories and child-targeted shows provide examples of husband-wife relationships and of parenting.
                         v.  Children also learn, through experience and instruction, a deeper meaning of privacy
                  c.   Children continue to learn through everyday experience, casual observation, or the imagination provided by stories, as well as through planned or spontaneous special activities. c

                  d.   True parents, respecting the child’s level of ability to learn, abet the child’s learning by providing opportunities for it and through child-centered discussion of what has been being learned, during which they transmit their social values. [ ]
             4.   True parents of mistreated child               
                 a.   Even a very young child may be bullied. Bullying is more prevalent among elementary-school age children either in school or in the neighborhood. True parents will explain that the bullying child is unhappy and is very angry at being unhappy. Unable to express the anger toward the perceived cause of unhappiness, the child is expressing it in bullying. True parents will promise to try to reach out to the bully and, if necessary, to adults responsible for the bully

                 b.   . True parents, seeing that a child is suffering while assaying such homework and stating the reason for the suffering, will commiserate with the child, but by no means affirm that the task is too arduous. A student’s responsibility is to respect a teacher’s pedagogical action and vigorously to attempt to successfully complete any assigned task, with the motivation of bringing joy to the teacher. [UT]

                     i.  A parent’s negative criticism of a child’s teacher can have a devastating effect upon the child’s future relationship with any authority figure

           5.   True parents in their society

              a.  Elementary-school age children can more and more learn and understand their parents’ will and activity in their society.

              b.  A true parent may sometimes make a choice as a participant in his/her society that is not in the immediate best interest of his/her child. If this is simply to take a job that prevents maximum daily interaction with the child, an elementary-school age child should be able to readily understand this. However, if a true parent makes a decision that will entail long-term absence from the child, such as enlisting in his/her nation’s armed forces or taking a position in an organization that he/she believes likely contribute to a much better future environment for the child or, if not, for the child’s future children, that will require extended separation from the child, the true parent should explain this to the child not only or even primarily in terms of the ethical principle, but as acting out of love for the child, for the child’s future happiness and, if appropriate, pointing out that the child’s happiness upon becoming adult and raising children will depend on that then adult child’s children’s happiness. The elementary-school age child will more and more come to understand and accept the separation, with the spouse remaining with the child reinforcing the explanation.

                 c. If this is simply to take a job that prevents maximum daily interaction with the child, an elementary-school age child should be able to readily understand this. However, if a true parent makes a decision that will entail long-term absence from the child, such as enlisting in his/her nation’s armed forces or taking a position in an organization that he/she believes likely contribute to a much better future environment for the child or, if not, for the child’s future children, that will require extended separation from the child, the true parent should explain this to the child not only or even primarily in terms of the ethical principle, but as acting out of love for the child, for the child’s future happiness and, if appropriate, pointing out that the child’s happiness upon becoming adult and raising children will depend on that then adult child’s children’s happiness. The elementary-school age child will more and more come to understand and accept the separation, with the spouse remaining with the child reinforcing the explanation.

                        i.     In the drastic situation that both true parents feel impelled to leave their child in a substitute family or an institution, not only is a careful explanation of the necessity or desirability of this required, but the true parents should try by all means to frequently communicate with the child and, if possible, to have the child receive gifts from them. [Many followers of the True Parents had this impulse and acted upon it considering that the True Parents were urging it.]

  D.   True parents of adolescent child
      1.  True parents of creative child
              a.   As a child grows, the child receives an increasing range of information from perception and reports. This includes the range of scope from an infant’s knowing only of the skin of part of a caregiver’s body through knowledge of the world as a whole and of inhabitants in sundry parts of it, along with range of depth from skin through thoughts and feelings and hopefully to the heart behind those. The range, then, of imagination, including projection of time, can correspondingly increase, limited only by interest and by the ability to think abstractly – categorizing, synthesizing, extrapolating. Such increasing intellectual development along with physical development allow the child’s actions to be increasingly autonomous

                i.   In the first stage of maturation, a child is not only given tasks but directed step-by-step in accomplishing them. In the second stage, the child could remember that certain situations call for certain tasks and could remember how to carry out these tasks. The adolescent child has the intelligence to create projects beyond those created with friends or other younger children, including those with the potential of having significant social value, and if assigned a project, to be given wide latitude in deciding how to accomplish it. [ ]       

             ii.   True parents or others guiding or supervising an adolescent child should encourage and stimulate this creativity and give the child increasing responsibility in carrying out tasks

       2.  True parents of adolescent citizen

            a.   The adolescent child should have been studying not only sciences and arts but history: the successions of institutions, their structures, the thought systems underlying these, the political and economic relationships among their components, the people who established them, and the activities and political and economic relationships among the people who live in them    

           b.   While the direct goal of history studies is understandings, the ultimate goal is to find flaws in institutions or systems of institutions and to imagine remedies for these, as a basis for action

           c.   The motivation for this imagining is to be able to give love with an imagined magnification of it to a greater scope. The child’s giving of such love will, in turn, grow the child’s spirit towards his/her innate goal of embracing all human beings—those who are living, had been living or will be living--, in short, for the child’s becoming a true parent. [ ]
          d.   True parents of this child should themselves be knowledgeable about the history being studied and should participate in the studying, suggesting questions and sharing not only their understandings but, more importantly, their ideals and vision for human society. [ ]    

       3.  True parents of deeply intimate child

          a.   Intimacy is an ongoing relationship of emotional closeness of two or more persons in which each member discloses his or her thoughts and feelings. The participants may be friends, spouses, or parent and child. Intimacy develops from mutual concerns and affection, and there need not be equality of the intensity or range of concerns, the intensity of affection, or the range of disclosure

          b.   A child’s ability to participate in intimate relationships develops with the range and elaborateness of his/her imagination and with the complexity of his/her reflecting upon information received from another.

          c.   An adolescent child, knowing of societies and of the situation and consequent feelings of a person in a society and/or of typical persons in the society, empathizes with such a person and feels the desire to help the person, whether that be to further empower or to console, and may share this feeling with an intimate friend. The imagined object of his/her love appears to feel sorrow or joy is a certain depth, depending upon the value of what has been denied or lost or what has been achieved or regained. His/her understanding of the person’s condition and circumstances is at a certain level of profundity of understanding. The child may also conceive of activities toward the remediation of the person’s harmful institutional circumstances or feel approval or even enthusiasm with those in the person’s society who are acting towards this. He/she may share these with his/her friend

             d.   An adolescent child receives from an intimate friend such expressions of feeling and/or such understandings and will, at least, better understand his/her intimate friend. Very likely, through imbibing the friend’s story, the child’s range of imagination is stretched. He/she empathizes with the friend’s feelings and so comes to share them, and becomes excited by the sender’s imagined societal remedies

            e.    Adolescent children not only create projects, some of them elaborate, some of them intended to have long-range effects, but participates in projects – that is, participates in groups, such as clubs or bands. Sharing the fact of such participation, the child may receive from a friend approval, encouragement and suggestions, and the friend may even want to join the group. Mutual group participation, collaboration in projects, mutual concerns, and mutual understandings ranging beyond daily life, the near future, and the friendship (itself a project) deepen the intimate friendship.

           f.   An adolescent friend may disclose strong interest in one member of the opposite sex, as well as disclosing his/her imaginative projections and details of ongoing daily life with its interests, challenges, and successes. This is because adolescence is the stage of life just prior to marriage.

          g.   True parents may learn contents of the exchanges between their child and an intimate friend only through asking broad questions that allow comfortable and very vague answers, such as, “How is your friend doing?” A true parent informed of such an exchange would never offer a critical negative comment unless asked for one. Hopefully, a child of true parents has remained in intimate relationship with one or both, readily disclosing thoughts and feelings. As always, a true parent will not respond judgmentally but appreciatively, and may offer suggestions for the child’s consideration

       4.    True parents of decision-making child.  

        a.   Every person makes intuitive decisions throughout his/her life. Spontaneous decisions and, later, considered decisions are then also continuingly made. Depending upon their appreciation of a child’s development, true parents entrust the child with increasing autonomy in making such decisions. In many cultures, an adolescent child is trusted to make decisions with potential major impact upon his/her life. Choices may include whether to seek education beyond elementary-school level, to enter the workforce, or to devote him/herself to helping in family activities and/or developing a talent. Also, in some cultures, adolescents are permitted or even encouraged to choose to marry at that age. True parents, beyond offering guidance and giving it if the offer is accepted, should acquiesce in the child’s choice unless thinking that it would have catastrophic effect in the child’s life

       5.    A true father’s (or close male’s) instruction of adolescent male child (assuming the anatomy of procreation has been taught}
         a.   [the following three sentences would not be spoken if children who may not have been taught procreation are present; they appear in the take-home handout] The second purpose of the penis: insemination; purpose of testicles, engorgement, penetration, and ejaculation. Unlike in most animals, the sequence of the latter three does not spontaneously occur in the presence of the vagina of a fertile female, but requires stimulation at each step. This will require either deliberate external stimulation or the boy’s mental stimulation. Since intercourse is the most intimate relationship possible between a man and woman, and since the fundamental impulse of a person is to give love as intimately as is possible and effective toward the greatest possible scope imaginable, and since contribution to the creation of an heir has that greatest effect, the physical intimacy of intercourse is always stimulated by and accompanied by the impulse to give true love and is always an expression of it, even if it is intellectually known that procreation is at that moment impossible. For the act of intercourse to have greatest effect, an heir would need to be raised by a father and a mother; therefore, intercourse should be with a woman who shares a commitment for eternal unity. Any intercourse outside of such a relationship is bound to result in emotional dissatisfaction: frustration, emptiness, and loneliness – quite possibly leading to a strong desire for further acts of intercourse, which in turn would lead only to further dissatisfaction.       

           b.   Engorgement of the penis may occur with no connection to intercourse; for instance, it may be stimulated by traveling in a soft seat or by pressure from the lower colon or rectum. In adolescence, engorgement and ejaculation may occur during sleep for the purpose of voiding excess semen from the scrotal sac: one should not expect this to have occurred with any dream. All these are natural and should not be the cause of any embarrassment.
          c.   Pornography and sexual imagining
        [the contents will appear only in the printed text of the narration for presenters or fathers only.
        While an adolescent boy’s curiosity about female genitalia may be harmlessly satisfied with two-or-three-dimensional image(s) of a pelvis, including, if necessary, a photograph, it may not be easy to find a way to warn against imagining a female naked without causing the boy automatically to so imagine; best would probably be stories. This principle holds true for warning against sexual fantasy, in which love is invaded by unrealistic desire and/or neurosis (and against pornography which stimulates such), which may well be the most self-destructive mental activity (a problem here being that a person composing such stories could be polluting his/her own mind in the process). Since a primary cause of and component of masturbation is the self-destructive enjoyment of a sexual fantasy, warning about it should be postponed until warning about sexual fantasy has been given. I am not writing this content in the slides or general handout of the seminar, since one or more innocent adolescent or younger children may be present. In any case, it might best come at the end of the seminar. Here is a possible story that might be told to convey the message: “Bob was walking in the park one day when he saw Billy sitting on a bench. Billy’s hand seemed to be rubbing his penis through his pants, and the penis seemed to be somewhat hard. ‘What are you doing Billy?’ asked Bob. ‘I am looking at that woman there and thinking what she might look like without her clothing,’  said Billy, ‘and it makes me excited.’ ‘You can’t see her that way here in the park,’ said Bob. He paused and then added, ‘Anyway, you’re not even married.’”

In a discussion situation, adolescents may be asked if there are any present who have no idea what pornography is. For any innocents, discussion of imagining sexual activity can be postponed until there is some strong evidence that a child is imagining it. Then, “Since the desire for all-transcending love can be experienced only during sexual intercourse, it is impossible to accurately imagine intercourse or the activities leading up to and surrounding it unless one has experienced the act. Even for such a person, the imagination will not be complete since the love attendant on the act cannot be being activated outside of the act. Further, sexual fantasy should be strongly discouraged for the same reason that intercourse outside of an eternally committed partnership should be. Sexual fantasy is itself sexually stimulating and pleasant and can become addictive. Further, your genitalia may be stimulated, and you will be tempted to assist this manually. Worse, in the absence of the fullness of true desire, irrational desires may creep into a sexual fantasy, including desires for a person or persons to be harmed. Such desires, commonly lurking in the unconscious, should not be brought to consciousness except in the context of an attempt to negate, or at least weaken them through therapy.]
       6.    A true mother’s (or other close female’s) instruction of the adolescent female
          a   You will likely hear that sexual intercourse Is enjoyable, and it can be. What is important to know is that since intercourse is the most intimate relationship possible between a man and woman, and since the fundamental impulse of a person is to give love as intimately as is possible and effective toward the greatest possible scope imaginable, and since contribution to the creation of an heir has that greatest effect, the physical intimacy of intercourse is always stimulated by and accompanied by the impulse to give true love and is always an expression of it, even if it is intellectually known that procreation is at that moment impossible. For the act of intercourse to have greatest effect, an heir would need to be raised by a father and a mother; therefore, intercourse should be with a man who shares a commitment for eternal unity. Any intercourse outside of such a relationship is bound to result in emotional dissatisfaction: frustration, emptiness, and loneliness – quite possibly leading to a strong desire for further acts of intercourse, which in turn would lead only to further dissatisfaction.

Cultures vary on the appropriateness of a woman engaging in intercourse during her menstrual period. Beyond this, some cultures, especially some tracing their origins to antiquity, implicitly consider menstruation a negative occurrence. This is presumably because the occurrence marks the absence of pregnancy, upon which a family’s and even a society’s future depends. For these and other reasons, I, a man, leave any inclusion of this topic to a woman in the culture in which this show may be presented.]

         [b.   Pornography and sexual imagining
        [the contents will appear only in the printed text of the narration for presenters or mothers only.
While an adolescent girl’s curiosity about a post-pubertal penis may be harmlessly satisfied with two-or-three-dimensional image(s), including, if necessary, a photograph, it might be useful to mention that ejaculate does not take the form of a powerful stream but of emerging foam. However, it may not be easy to find a way to warn against imagining a male naked without causing the girl automatically to so imagine; best would probably be stories. This principle holds true for warning against sexual fantasy, in which love is invaded by unrealistic desire and/or neurosis (and against pornography which stimulates such), which may well be the most self-destructive mental activity (a problem here being that a person composing such stories could be polluting his/her own mind in the process). Since a primary cause of and component of masturbation is the self-destructive enjoyment of a sexual fantasy, warning about it should be postponed until warning about sexual fantasy has been given. I am not including this content in the narration of the seminar, since one or more innocent adolescent or younger children may be present. In any case, it might best come at the end of the seminar. Here is a possible story that might be told to convey the message: “May was walking in the park one day when she saw Jilly sitting on a bench. Jilly’s hand seemed to be rubbing her private parts through her pants. ‘What are you doing Jilly?’ asked May. ‘I am looking at that boy there and thinking what he might look like without his clothing,’ said Jilly, ‘and it makes me excited.’ ‘You can’t see him that way here in the park,’ said May. She paused and then added, ‘Anyway, you’re not even married.’”

In a discussion situation, adolescents may be asked if there are any present who have no idea what pornography is. For any innocents, discussion of imagining sexual activity can be postponed until there is some strong evidence that a child is imagining it. Then, “Since the desire for all-transcending love can be experienced only during sexual intercourse, it is impossible to accurately imagine intercourse or the activities leading up to and surrounding it unless one has experienced the act. Even for such a person, the imagination will not be complete since the love attendant on the act cannot be being activated outside of the act. Further, sexual fantasy should be strongly discouraged for the same reason that intercourse outside of an eternally committed partnership should be. Sexual fantasy is itself sexually stimulating and pleasant and can become addictive. Further, your genitalia may be stimulated, and you will be tempted to assist this manually. Worse, in the absence of the fullness of true desire, irrational desires may creep into a sexual fantasy, including desires for a person or persons to be harmed. Such desires, commonly lurking in the unconscious, should not be brought to consciousness except in the context of an attempt to negate, or at least weaken them through therapy.]

  E.  TRUE PARENTS OF ADULT CHILD  

   i.  True parents of adult child in modern society

     a  If their adult child is admitted to a college or other school, the institution may offer the child wide latitude in choosing courses or even curricula, and the selection process may be quite complex. Similarly, within the work field, not only will there be a choice of jobs, but even within a job there may be choices of tasks or types of tasks. If true parents learn of complex choices that confront the child, they should offer assistance for the process of choosing. If the child declines the offer, they should say, “Fine. If at any point you would like us to help you think through a particular issue, please don’t hesitate to ask”.

     b. True parents should try to help a child find a spouse whom they believe to be appropriate. They may encourage the search for a spouse, when they believe that it is time for that to occur. They may suggest, once, a person whom they believe would be a good match for the child. [the True Parents’ tradition]

     c.  If a child marries or otherwise starts living in a sexual relationship with a person, true parents should be prepared to fully embrace their child’s beloved and actually embrace him/her as the opportunity arises

               i    If ongoing communication with the couple is established, one or the other may complain to the true parents about the behavior or the imagined feelings or attitude of his/her beloved. True parents, after gentle questioning, should by no means endorse as definitively established reality what has been reported or stoke the complainers’ feelings or attitude, but may gently offer suggestions

          Ii.    True parents should, at the earliest opportunity, seek to establish a close relationship with their child’s in-laws or other person(s) who may have been taking responsibility for their child’s beloved. This becomes almost necessary if the couple starts raising a child, and of special importance if the shared grandparents are of a nation in conflict with their own and/or of the culture sharply contrasting with their own. [the True Parents’ tradition]

     d.  If an adult child makes a career or educational choice that a true parent considers to be wrong, or if an adult child joins a group or organization whose values conflict with the parent’s, the true parent has no choice but to affirm the decision and offer continuing support. Hopefully, the child has maintained all along so broadly sharing a relationship with the parent that there has been continuing discussion leading up to the choice, giving the true parent input into the decision making – offering suggestions or, if requested, criticisms. In that case, responding positively to the adult child’s decisions becomes natural

     e.  If an adult child offers criticisms of some aspect of the true parent’s ongoing life course, or, for that matter, of his/her past course, including even his/her parenting of the child, the true parent should listen humbly and open-mindedly, hoping to learn from it. After all, the true parent, as a person in society, is bound to receive criticism from friends, colleagues, or adversaries it he she has any, not to mention from his/her spouse and, hopefully, sometimes learn from them

     f.  The quality of the true parents’ relationship with the adult child is of the utmost importance. If the relationship is at most one of friendship, there is no way that the parents can prevent the child from simply terminating the relationship, either de facto becoming an enemy or declaring a permanent termination. Such will not be the case if the relationship is one of the highest level of intimacy, namely, intimacy of heart. If, going beyond any verbal sharing, intimacy of heart – the irrepressible impulse to give love [ the definition of “heart’ in UT] – is established and maintained, the child’s filial piety will have become one of attendance, permanently and often consciously desiring and voluntarily assuming responsibility for the fulfillment of his/her parent’s desires. [  ] A true parent’s love for his/her child is, as already mentioned, absolute, and unchanging.
     2.   True parents in a non-modern society